? Promotions will come hand-in-hand with new challenges, but an often overlooked one is what happens when you’re suddenly promoted from peer to boss. Establishing authority with people you used to work alongside as equals — maybe even friends — will inevitably cause some tension. It gets even trickier when you have to manage employees who have been there longer than you.

The stakes are high: Research reveals that 60% of new managers find themselves most challenged when managing former peers, and 76% of these transitions falter. Even more sobering: 60% of all new managers fail within the first 24 months of their new positions, often because 82% of them enter their new roles without any formal management and leadership training.

The consequences extend beyond individual careers. Poor management is the number one reason employees quit, and when promising leaders fail, organizations lose not just the investment in that person’s development, but also the institutional knowledge and team stability they were meant to preserve.

The transition: In an episode of Harvard Business Review’s Coaching Real Leaders podcast, executive coach Muriel Wilkins works with Thomas, a newly promoted leader who moved up quickly through his organization. Now managing supervisors — including former peers with more tenure — Thomas embodies the fundamental challenge of new leadership: balancing assertiveness with approachability without losing credibility or becoming the tense, unlikeable boss.

The communication challenge: Thomas’s difficulties centered on his higher-level shift supervisors, all of whom had longer tenure than him and used their experience to push back against his management style, creating resistance as he adjusted to his new role. When he attempted one-on-one meetings to address performance issues, one supervisor turned the tables, telling him: “I wouldn't be such a problem if you had more rapport with people like me.”

The mindset trap: Thomas’s initial response was defensive, interpreting the supervisor’s response as shirking accountability. But as Wilkins helped him unpack the interaction, a deeper truth emerged. Thomas had adopted a rigid managerial mindset: “I cannot let anybody subvert my authority.” He relied on distance and consistent, formal verbiage across all interactions, fearing that any perceived weakness would undermine his credibility. This approach stemmed from intense pressure — both external and self-imposed. Thrown into the role with minimal training and a tight deadline, Thomas felt he had to prove himself constantly.

The science of motivation: This is a common pattern among high performers promoted to management — they apply the formula that made them successful as individual contributors (in Thomas’s case, internal pressure and self-discipline), assuming it will work universally. But leadership research tells a different story, showing that transformational leaders who understand and respond to followers’ intrinsic motivation create more engaged, productive teams. For some of his team members — particularly those with more experience — respect came through relationship and rapport. Neither approach is wrong, and as research shows, managers’ orientations toward supporting subordinates’ self-determination versus controlling their behavior significantly correlate with subordinates’ perceptions, affects, and satisfaction.

Meeting people where they are: The solution isn’t choosing between being task- or relationship-oriented — it’s embracing both. Wilkins suggested Thomas think of his leadership style not as an on/off switch, but as a dimmer, with gradients between extremes. He could acknowledge pushback without agreeing with it. He could build rapport without becoming everyone’s friend. He could hold people accountable while still treating them as individuals with different needs and motivations. Leadership development experts recommend that new managers meet individually with each team member to explain how their new role will change the nature of their relationship, ensuring transparency about expectations and boundaries.