We are not our parents. Parenting is constantly transforming as a result of evolving societal norms and expectations, meaning that the way that we were raised isn’t (and can’t) be the same way we raise our children.

What’s changing? Nearly half of those surveyed in a study of 3.8k US parents indicated that they prioritize showing love and building relationships through unconditional support, opting for less yelling and more verbal affirmations and honest conversations about tough topics. Also, it seems that mothers — while more commonly having careers outside the home — still spend as much time with their children as stay-at-home moms did in the 1970s.

Previously, parents were more concerned about physical safety, but recently the focus has shifted to mental health. Three-quarters of parents expressed concern that their children would struggle with anxiety, depression, or bullying, according to NYT. “I try to have weekly talks with my kids to check in on their emotions to see how they are. Even if they had a good week, I have found it is still good to remind them you are there for them.”

This is a response to difficulties that they encountered in their own childhoods. “I didn’t have a safe place to express my emotions of feeling understood,” one mother told Pew Research. "I don't want my children to go through what I went through," some of the parents told Psychology Today. This ideology in itself has made parenting even more challenging, a sentiment that two thirds of the parents surveyed by Pew Research echoed.

There is an overall higher level of emotional awareness when it comes to children. As psychological health made its way to the forefront of social awareness, children were seen as more vulnerable to experiences impacting their upbringing. This led to parenting styles that are “child-centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive,” Sharon Hays wrote The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood.

But some parents are doing too much. Intensive parenting involves investing all their energy, resources, and capacity for love, engaging in monitoring parental behavior, and putting off one's own desires in order to care for the children. Examples can start when a woman is pregnant and begins making major diet changes to keep the baby safe, continuing onto excessive use of baby monitors, making homemade natural sunscreen, and eventually even calling their adult child’s employer to follow up on their interview.

While this behavior is born out of the best intentions, this method may often harm the children. Not having the opportunity for trial and error or learning from failure hinders a child’s ability to solve their own problems, reducing their self-confidence significantly. As children become less accepting of parental authority, overprotective parenting can exacerbate these issues.

Children have naturally become less dependent on their parents for information due to their growing access for ideas from social media and their peers. Compared to previous generations — when parents played a strictly authoritarian role — recent generations are less compliant, leading them to ask more questions to understand why rules are set.

Every generation says this to their kids, but child-to-parent obedience really is going down the drain. The phrase “because I said so,” is no longer enough when it comes to disciplining children, because children no longer accept rules as rules without accompanying reasons.

Psychologists are concerned that these techniques are leading children into high levels of stress and dependence on their parents. According to a 2013 study, children with hyper-involved parents tend to develop more anxiety and less satisfaction with life, whereas children who are given space to be unsupervised develop social skills, emotional maturity, and future executive function.

Striking the balance: While parents today prioritize emotional connections with their children and protecting their mental health, they also face the challenge of being over-involved and navigating the changing dynamics of parent-child relationships. As they strive to provide the best possible upbringing for their children, finding the balance between support and independence, and fostering resilience and emotional well-being is crucial.

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